Today, I was walking down the street, heading past the Donut Shop, when I saw a familiar figure going inside with his hands in his pockets.
It was the angry man from yesterday.
As I passed the window of the Shop, I pulled my hood up. It would do no good if he recognized me. Then I walked very very fast down the street. I was heading for the pastry shop on the corner. I had decided that I would have delicious Danish pastries today! They were very delish, by the way.
Now that I think about it, I nearly eradicated my whole Spy persona yesterday.
As a Spy, I am not supposed to be noticed. I should be silent, stealthy, and always listening. I do not stand up in the middle of Donut Shops and yell at angry customers. I do not get thanked by grateful cashiers. I do not advertise my presence at all.
I am ashamed to say I failed yesterday. I have never failed before. It is pathetic.
Sniff.
Thankfully, there was no one else in the Donut Shop. And I plan to never return, so the only two people who saw me act erratically are two people who will eventually forget about me and move on with their respective lives.
I'm sure the cashier told her boss about the angry man, so I know they can handle the angry guy.
They don't need me.
I'm sure.
The Anonymous Titan would like to interrupt this post with a news bulletin:
"It was the strangest thing," Johanna Harp, 32, of San Diego, tells us. "I was locking the door to my apartment this morning when I saw the biggest stuffed elephant ever!"
One of her children, Sean Harp, 10, pipes up: "So Mommy called the police!"
"I was rattled," she admits. "I mean, it was so big that I thought someone was playing a prank or something. And it had a big bow around its neck, and it was in the middle of the street. It was like the Trojan Horse, but - but... odder."
Sean chimes in again: "So then the police came and took it away! They said that they'd give it to Goodwill!"
"Yes, well," Mrs. Harp says, "At least it's off the street now, and I can back out my car. It's just so weird, though. I wonder where it came from..."
Today I made some more fried zucchini because I was tired of waiting for the mail to arrive. Of course, right after I finished cooking, waiting for them to cool, finding various utensils to eat with, and beginning to eat them, the doorbell rang.
Sitting outside was my package of fried zucchini.
Finally.
Now I have a considerable amount of it! But I wish the mail had come sooner - I now have three burns on my left arm and one on my right thumb. Ow...
Thankfully, the crow has not come back. I made sure to shut all the windows last night, even though my air conditioner doesn't work, and it's nearly 100 degrees outside.
Sigh... stupid bird.
I keep finding more poop deposits in my room. There was even one inside my laptop bag.
Argh...
The Topic of the Day:
Professors' Rules
There are a few Standard Rules that every professor follows:
1. No Electronic Devices (except Laptops, occasionally)
2. No Eating (Although one professor allowed us to! We liked him...)
3. No Talking When the Professor Is Speaking
I have a few rules that I think every professor should follow:
1. No Cellphones, Even if the Professor Cannot See Them (such as iPods, mp3 players, cell phones, cameras, video cameras, video games, etc. But if you have them in your backpack - and your backpack on the floor - I suppose that's all right.)
2. No Laptops (People don't only write notes...)
3. No Leaving in the Middle of Class (People have actually done this. I am always freakishly appalled when this happens. Why did they come in the first place if they're only going to walk out halfway through??)
4. No Talking, Unless the Professor Calls on You (I always hear whispered conversations in class, which is very distracting, as I feel obligated to eavesdrop.)
5. No Rude Comments
6. No Ring Ring Ring Ring/Beep Beep Beep/La La La La Noises from Electronic Devices (but this goes with Rule #1, so I guess you can ignore it.)
7. No Pets
8. No Dumb People
9. No Mean People
10. No Inattentive People
12. No Annoying People (Rule #11, No Ugly People, I beg you to ignore. It was rude and unfounded. Please accept my sincerest apologies.)
I suppose that those are the last of my rules, although I'm sure that if I continue going to class I will discover more.
Professors, those brave and usually unusually intelligent people, are held in high regard by myself, as they have a complicated and people-centered job. I admire them, but I must say that sometimes I feel they need to fix a few things.
But you're only a Student! you might say.
Dear reader, of course you are right. It's only that sometimes I know I can do certain things better.
For example, there is one glaring problem that professors sometimes have:
Group Projects.
Dear reader, there are many things wrong with Group Projects:
The first problem with the Problem of Group Projects are its Categories of Students:
1. The Slacker (There's one in (almost) every group. If you don't believe me, just wait. If you have never had this Category in your Group Project before, you haven't missed anything.)
2. The Know-It-All (This person usually ends up being a leader, if your Group Project is missing Category #3. This is never a good thing. I strongly implore you to avoid Know-It-Alls when choosing your group, if at all possible.)
3. The Team Leader (This is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Some of these are Know-It-Alls, and some of these are Intelligent Ones - or they can be both - but I suggest you attempt to form a democracy, not a dictatorship, or you might end up being unhappy.)
4. The Oblivious One (This is the person who has no idea what is going on. See #5.)
5. The Bored One (This is the person who finds everything uninteresting and thus fails to pay attention to anything. See #4.)
6. The Helpful One (If you have one of these people in your group, then you are set for success. Keep him/her close. They may not be a Team Leader or even an Intelligent One, but I guarantee they will be helpful. Ha ha ha.)
7. The Intelligent One (Yes! Get him/her in your group! They are the ones who have paid attention to the instructions, begun thinking about the project already, and who will provide balance to either the Know-It-All or the Team Leader, keeping them - and your project - on task.)
Another problem with Group Projects is the professor's manner of choosing them.
Sometimes your Professor may say, "Students, please get into groups of four."
Then you choose all your friends to be in your group with you, and instead of working on anything, all you do is talk and joke and mess around.
This is bad.
Other times your Professor may say, "Students, I will assign you to groups of four."
Then your Professor wastes valuable time numbering you off and putting you in groups. Or your Professor picks various rows and has them team up to work together.
Also, you may be stuck with a Know-It-All or a Slacker.
This is bad also.
Furthermore, Group Projects cause tension.
It is hard for groups of people to come up with a good project and yet avoid creating conflict. It is also bad, however, if there is no conflict but a bad project.
Really, Professors! I implore you not to use this banal and lazy way of teaching!
Group Projects, though you may believe that they promote teamwork and communication, instead hinder these two things! Group Projects are singularly unhelpful, especially if you are an intelligent Student who always works hard and is forced to deal with people like Slackers, Bored Ones, or Oblivious Ones, thus putting your Grade in peril.
As a Student, I know the terrors and faults of Group Projects firsthand.
So you will do well to remember this message:
Ban Group Projects.
Now I will interrupt my musing to write about something else:
Names.
Has it occurred to you, dear reader, that everyone on this planet has a name?
I think they do, at least. Hmm...
Names define us!
My name, dear reader, defines me.
You think of me as The Anonymous Titan.
So, to you, I am mysterious and hidden. I am always sneaky, cunning, and fascinating.
If I referred to myself with my real name, you would not find me as interesting.
Therefore, if you are expecting me to eventually reveal my true name...
You will be sadly disappointed.
I thought I had better clear that up.
If you want to throw bird poop at your computer screen now, I give you permission.
I am soooooo evil.
Tips of the Day:
Tip #37: Keep your laptops close, but your stuffed elephants even closer.
Tip #38: Be happy, not stupid. This was told to me by a good friend. It is best, of course, to be happy, but even better to be smart. I suggest you follow this advice closely.
Tip #39: Go outside, get in your car, drive to the supermarket, and pick me up some fried zucchini. Then drive to Cal State Fullerton and put it on the sundial. You will be soooo happy.
Tip #40: This is not a tip. I just wanted to write "Tip #40" because it makes me happy. Soon you too, dear reader, will be happy. Simply follow the instructions in Tip #39. Or in Tip #21, Tip #22, or Tip #23. Or, if you can't find any of these: read "The Thorough Titan" to refresh your memory.
Bye, dear reader.
