Today is July 6th, dear reader.
I have done several things since my last post:
1. Sent nasty notes back to Mr. Sinagel.
2. Discarded rotten zucchini from above person more than three times.
3. Moved places also more than three times.
4. Gone to CSUF and bought a sweatshirt,
5. And had a Fourth of July celebration.
My Fourth of July was very pleasant. I sat on my roof and set off fireworks until the police came, and then I crawled back into my room through the window and went to bed. (They never knew who it was!) Furthermore, I hung all the apartment hallways with red, white, and blue streamers around 2 am the morning before, so on the Fourth it was very festive. The other tenants went downstairs and told the manager how pleased they were that he had decided to decorate this year. While they were thus occupied, I went around my hallway taping little flags on my neighbors' doors.
Yesterday at 3 or so in the morning, I stopped by CSUF (wearing my new grey sweatshirt, with the hood up) to pick up my fried zucchini!
I went past the Nutwood parking lot (more on that later) and down the walkway past McCarthy, and was almost to the sundial and the lovely white plastic box on top of it when I saw it.
Or, rather, him.
There was a lone employee leaning on his broom and puffing on his cigarette, one hand reaching for the gleaming white box lazily. I came to an abrupt halt.
Then I broke into a frantic run!
"Stop!" I shouted, "Wait!" and skidded to a halt in front of the frowning employee. I removed his (very incredibly strong) fingers from the box and said breathlessly, "This is mine."
"Really." He puffed out some smoke into my face. "And why is it here?" The question was more of a statement, but he was still frowning down at me.
I stepped backwards, repelled, and batted ineffectually at the smoke (the employee watched with mild amusement and made no move to step back). "None of your business."
The employee cocked a mostly gray eyebrow and stared harder down at me. Then he took the cigarette out from between his lips and crushed it on the sundial. This was rather unkind, as the sundial hadn't ever done anything to him, but I did not protest, being a little cowed myself. I could only imagine how the sundial felt.
"You can't put stuff on the sundial," he said (as if he had not just done so himself). "What is that, anyways?"
"Food," I said, getting a little annoyed. "Why does it matter to you?"
"I work here," he said, as if I hadn't already figured that out. He stared at me some more, watching as I wrinkled my nose and grimaced back at him. I figured out that he could see my facial expressions and stopped making them.
The employee propped his broom against the sundial and offered me a brown, work-hardened hand. "I'm Toby."
I took his hand and shook it, still wary. "Nice to meet you."
We dropped hands and continued to eye each other. I wasn't sure why he had suddenly changed into a nicer (or craftier?) person.
He appeared to be waiting for something. "Well?"
"What?" I said.
"What's your name?" he said, beginning to frown again.
I shrugged and shifted my box to my other hand.
"You're not going to tell me, are you," he said.
"I guess not," I said, and made to walk away.
"Wait, kid," he said. I could hear him tapping his broom handle on the sundial indecisively. "Do you need...are you hungry or something? I have some food, well, if you want any."
I turned back around and smiled at him. "I don't need food," I said. "I'm fine. See?" I did a series of jumping-jacks.
Toby raised both eyebrows this time, but he looked slightly relieved. "Well."
Then he looked past me. "Hey, is that your cat?"
Hypnos had just crept out from under one of the benches and begun to climb a nearby tree, digging his claws deeply into the soft wood. I hurried over.
"Hypnos, stop that. Get down." I grabbed for him, but he scurried higher and curled himself into a crook of the branch, staring down at me with a supercilious air.
Toby, who had followed me over, raised his broom and poked the end menacingly at Hypnos, who snarled and extended every claw on his flailing front paws.
I glared at Hypnos and thought about climbing the tree, but it was clearly too small to support either me or Toby, who had dragged a bench over and gotten on top of it.
He thrust the bristly end of the broom at Hypnos' startled face, and the cat leaped off the tree, screeching his displeasure.
Hypnos landed agilely on his feet and stalked away to hide in the shadows of McCarthy, every line of his sleek body stiff with offense.
Toby looked at me and then got down from the bench.
"Sorry," I said. "I don't really know how to make him behave. I've never had a cat before."
"Ah, cats are terrible miscreants," Toby said, now dragging the stone bench back into place with one hand. I watched in awe. "You can't control 'em."
"Did you say 'miscreants'?" I said, now really stunned. "Are you like an...an -"
"- an English major?" Toby finished. "Yep. Well, I was. I dropped out my junior year."
I didn't quite know how to respond to this. "Oh. That's...um....uh....not...good?"
"Yes, it was sad, sort of," Toby supplied. "I guess so. But I like my job, and I like this school, so I guess everything worked out." He looked up at me again, brushing off his hands, and suddenly showed a very large mouthful of gleaming white teeth. I instantaneously thought of wolves and piranhas, and took a little step back. "Define... 'neologism'."
I blinked at him. "Define what?"
"Neologism," he repeated, still grinning in that madcap sort of way.
"Uh..." I searched the farthest, darkest, most cobwebby crannies of my brain, but I couldn't think of anything pertaining to 'neologism'. "I guess it has something to do with new stuff? Since it has 'neo' in it"
"Wellll," Toby said, "then what does 'logism' mean?"
I cast around some more, but came up with nothing. "I don't know. Something to do with math?"
Toby lost his madcap grin. "Did you say -" his face drew itself into a horrible wrinkled mass "- math?"
"Oh, er, no," I said, hastily backtracking. "Never mind. I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
"Neologism," Toby intoned with great deliberation, and grimly serious solemnity, "is a new word or phrase that has recently been created. Or the usage of this new word or phrase that has recently been created."
"How interesting," I said, wondering if I was holding a box of rotten mozzarella sticks or of cold fried zucchini, as something wet and cold was seeping out of the crack between the lid and the box and onto my fingers. "I didn't know that."
"That was obvious," Toby said, and began to sweep the bench off. "Your cat is climbing up one of McCarthy's pillars."
I ran to get Hypnos down. When I returned, lugging an angry cat under one arm and clutching my leaking box in the other hand, Toby stopped sweeping the sidewalk to shoot a glance at Hypnos.
"You should think about getting a dog instead," he noted.
I shrugged. "I can't; my apartment doesn't allow large pets. So I'm stuck with this beast."
"Maybe he's lonely?" Toby asked, now tipping the benches over to clear out spiderwebs. "You could buy him a friend."
"No money," I said flippantly, and felt more liquidy stuff slide down my fingers and drip onto my shoes. "I'd better run."
"See you tomorrow night," Toby said, and waved emphatically with his broom.
I nodded, since my hands were full, and headed back towards McCarthy.
The last thing I saw of Toby was his silhouette hunched over the sundial, staring hard at something glinting on the metal, a sort of glutinous liquid that was dripping slowly down the side.
When I got home, I dropped Hypnos on the floor and ran to the sink with my package.
I ripped the top off only to see:
A whole lot of fried zucchini, except it was covered in what appeared to be tomato sauce.
"Oh," I said, now realizing why there was so much liquid everywhere. I rinsed my bloody-looking hands off and put the fried zucchini (with the ketchup) into a bowl. Then I sat down on my new couch and turned the TV on and began to eat my well-earned food.
Just kidding, dear reader!
Instead of sitting down on my nonexistent new couch and turning on my imaginary TV, I sat down on my hard linoleum floor and looked out my one, slightly crooked, circular window. It was about the size of my head and since it faced the opposite apartment structure all I could see was a section of brown, faded wall.
I must have fallen asleep, as I woke up this morning to find an empty bowl (with a few crumbs), a mewing Hypnos, and a head-shaped window with the sun glinting off of it.
Which is why today is now July 7 instead.
I realize you are probably wondering why I have stopped writing about College, but remember, dear reader, I am not in school!
Really? you ask, your eyes wide and your bushy black eyebrows raised high.
No, you would probably say (instead): "I knew that, Anonymous Titan. Please don't make fun of me." Then you would frown scarily (with your bushy black eyebrows making a V).
And to that I would say: "You know, dear reader, you are so right. Which is why I will stop laughing at you. But it is so easy, you see, so give me a moment to catch my breath and finish rolling around on the floor. By the way, I like your new haircut. I got one too! Hey, is that a clean T-shirt? And do you have freshly brushed teeth? Wow, the things people do to read my blog! You're so kind." Then I would smile pleasantly and change subjects again.
Anyways, I've stopped writing about College because I am not there! Except when I go to pick up things.
On another note, I haven't gotten any more mail from the person who left me a (nice) letter in my fried zucchini that one time. Go to my post The Tenacious Titan to read about C. Mason.
Someone is knocking on my door. One moment.
The Anonymous Titan gets up and goes to answer the door.
After opening it, he/she sticks his/her head out, and says: "Hello. Do you need something?"
The person outside says, "Hi. Yeah, I do. Are these yours? No one else will admit to stringing them up everywhere."
The Anonymous Titan takes the laundry basket full of streamers from the neighbor. "Yeah. Thanks."
The neighbor raises his eyebrows and attempts a smile. "You were... nice to hang them up."
"Thanks," the Anonymous Titan says, and begins to shut the door.
The neighbor sticks his foot in the way. "Hey, were you the one setting off fireworks on the roof last night?"
"What roof?" the Anonymous Titan says, and shuts the door all the way. Then he/she locks it and puts the laundry basket on the floor, looking thoughtful. He/she walks back over to the laptop.
I'm back!
Some guy gave me back all my streamers. That was nice of him, wasn't it?
It's hot in here. I'm going to go start making dinner.
Here are your tips!
Tips of the Day:
Tip #59: Here are some more great summer activities: 1. Go to the pool (a neighborhood one, a hotel one, a school one) and swim around! Pretend to be a shark and chase other swimmers around, growling loudly and pretending to gnaw on their paddleboards and foam noodle thingies. When they yell at you (or accidentally hit you in the head with their board), swim away, looking offended, and sulk in the corner of the pool for an hour or so. 2. Stay at home and draw/paint/crayon/pastel/watercolor/stencil a self-portrait. Refer to the mirror. 3. Go to your school with a bucket of chalk and draw pictures on the sidewalks. Or draw on the buildings. If you can't go to your school, go draw on your neighbors' houses. Tell them that if they don't like it, they can wash it off with a hose. If they yell at you, erase your artwork. It is better to lose your masterpieces than to spend the rest of your summer hiding in your house. 4. Visit England and affect a British accent. When real British people look at you funny (or roll their eyes), bow and explain that you are Australianish.
Tip #60: If it is too hot in your house/apartment/room, go buy a wading pool and set it up in the middle of your bedroom. Fill it up with water. Also, you could fill your bathtub completely. Or you could go buy a giant fish tank and fill it with water and go scuba diving. Great additions to indoor aquariums are: goldfish, lion fish, jellyfish, miniature sharks (wait, do they have those?), baby blue whales, seals, sea turtles, and fake seaweed. If you can't find any of these, go to an Aquarium place and fall into the shark tank. Or fall into the normal fish tank. Or go inside the penguin exhibit, although I wouldn't recommend the polar bear habitat.
Tip #61: Go to the sundial with pairs of purple-striped things and leave them there. What about a pair of earmuffs? Or a pair of shoes? Or a pair of brooms, or canisters of bug spray, or purple-striped paired tins of peppermints? Or a pair of purple-striped books?
Gosh, I simply have run out of words. I will say farewell, then, dear reader.
Ta-ta!
