No, I am not procrastinating.
Well, not really. I had quite a bit of homework to do this week, so I could not write you wonderful posts, dear reader. I hope you will forgive me.
If forgiveness is too hard, at least will you read this quote out loud?
Okay, go ahead:
"I, the Dear Reader, will forgive the Anonymous Titan for the lack of posts the last two weeks."
There, that wasn't too hard, was it? Thank you for your forgiving nature, dear reader.
In case you are wondering, I haven't seen that creepy stalker business suit man around lately, as I've moved yet again, and yet again, and possibly yet again. I am now living in ______, which is pretty far away from ______, and even more far away from ___________, but close to ___________.
I can guess you are not happy, dear reader, to see all those empty non-filled spaces with the lines under them, so I will write something that you can read!
A few (or more) or sixteen days ago, I was walking past the Performing Arts Building near the Nutwood parking lot. It was hot, and I was holding a binder over my head to stop the sunshine from massacring my scalp, and sweat was dripping off the end of my nose, and I was staring at the ground because the sunlight was bouncing off any shiny object nearby (cars, windows, people with jewelry on), and suddenly...
I ran into a person!!
He was a rather strange person, I must say...
But I am jumping ahead like usual.
I ran into that person, and my binder fell out of my hands and onto the cement, and I flew backwards and landed on the burning cement and everything went everywhere and I felt rather bruised.
This was because the person I had so rudely run into was a person made out of some type of dark metal.
He was sitting/lying in a slab of concrete, and he appeared to be stuck.
I offered him a hand (after gathering up my belongings and wiping my face with a paper towel), which he ignored, because he could not take it.
So I sat down next to him on his cement block and talked to him for a little while. (I also removed some bird poop from his head with another paper towel, but that is beside the point, and so forget that I wrote that and keep reading this other stuff I wrote.) It turned out that his name was ARISE - according to his nameplate - but I told him that a better name would be Shawn, because ARISE sounded so sad and so boring and so odd. No offense, person who sculpted him (Mr. Eric Goulder, sir), but I really do like Shawn better than ARISE, and Shawn himself says that he is more partial to the name Shawn than to ARISE. He said ARISE sounds like a deodorant or something and he is glad of his new normal-sounding name. Furthermore, he wishes that you had build a canopy over him so that birds wouldn't poop on him. But one can't have everything, you know.
Anyway, as people began to come out of buildings and eye me oddly, I decided that I would talk to Shawn later, so I patted him on his (blazingly hot) shoulder, shrieked in pain, and bid him a hasty goodbye. "Perhaps I will come at a cooler and less crowded time, Shawn," I told him (he said nothing), and then I went to my first class of the day, which was, unfortunately, Grammar.
During Grammar class I decided that the spelling of "Grammar" was not to my liking, as I kept accidentally replacing the last "a" with an "e", so I wrote "Grammer" at the top of my notes and smiled happily.
The guy next to me leaned over with a scowl.
"You spelled 'Grammar' wrong," he hissed.
I stared at him. It was the middle of lecture, so I was supposed to be listening to the professor, not to him, and I was trying to understand the meaning of "Intransitive" and "Transitive" verbs, which was complicated, and which the professor was elaborating on at the moment.
He pointed at my notes because I was not responding (as I was in shock). "It's G-R-A-M-M-A-R," he said disgustedly.
I blinked at him (still in shock). "I know that," I whispered. "I'm trying to pay attention here."
This did not make the Super Speller Man happy. He scowled (if possible) even darker and jabbed at my notes again. "Then why did you spell it wrong?"
I sighed and erased the "e" in 'Grammer' and put in an "a" instead. "Happy?"
"Thank you," said Super Speller Man, as though I had just done him a great personal wrong. "I cannot stand it when people misspell words."
I was about to point out that he had spelled "Intransitive" ("Intransetive") wrong in his notes, but someone behind us shushed him, and I thought it would be more productive to listen to the professor, as I had still not figured out the difference between "Intransitive" and "Transitive" verbs.
After I figured it out, I wrote Super Speller Man a little note:
You spelled "Intransitive" wrong.
and I slid it onto his desk.
The Super Speller read my note, squished it, and dropped it onto the floor (Litterer!!! I thought, horrified). However, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he erased something on his paper and rewrote it.
I felt as though I had had my revenge, so I sat back in my chair and listened happily to Grammer, which was nice (except that it was profoundly harder than I had expected) and tried not to whistle.
A little while later, Super Speller Man raised his hand.
"Yes," said the nice woman professor. "Do you have a question?"
"You spelled 'correctly' wrong," said Super Speller Man rudely. "It's C-O-R-R-E-C-T-L-Y, not 'C-O-R-E-C-T-L-Y."
"Oh, whoops," said the nice professor. She erased the word and rewrote it. "Thank you. Now, back to the subclasses of nouns."
"Hey!" said Super Speller Man. "You spelled "Grim" wrong too!! It's G-R-I-M-M, not 'G-R-I-M'!"
The nice professor put down her marker (she had been about to write down a few example nouns) and turned to look at him.
"G-R-I-M-M is a name," she said. "G-R-I-M is an adjective. I will use it in a sentence to clarify. The professor began to feel slightly grim after her student continually corrected her spelling."
Super Speller Man was not, however, at a loss for words, as I would have been at this point.
"G-R-I-M-M is too the right way to spell grim!" he insisted. "I've read it lots of places! I know I'm right, Professor."
The other Students in the class began to pay attention. Some of them looked appalled. Others looked alert. I felt tired.
The professor, who had evidently thought against arguing some more with Super Speller Man, picked up her marker again and turned her back on him.
"Nouns fall into several subclasses," she began, "and a few of them are as follows..."
Super Speller Man heaved a greatly annoyed sigh and flumped back into his chair.
I moved my desk a little farther away from his.
After Grammer, which was a bit too long for my liking, I went home.
Hypnos was sitting on my desk chair and eating a piece of Fried Zucchini!!
I sat down on my desk and stared at him. "That was my Fried Zucchini," I said.
Hypnos meowed and continued eating my Fried Zucchini.
I stared at him harder. "My Fried Zucchini."
Hypnos continued to eat my Fried Zucchini. Then he swallowed. Then he lay down and went to sleep.
I looked at the floor.
It was covered with crumbs.
I went to my fridge and opened it.
There was no more Fried Zucchini.
I had had six boxes of Fried Zucchini in my fridge in the morning.
I turned and looked at Hypnos.
I could hear him snoring. His tail lay limply over the side of the chair.
I sighed, closed the fridge, and went and got a box of chocolate cereal to eat instead.
New Topic:
Hazards of CSUF (and why they are hazardous):
1. People txting/walking/running/screaming/dancing/talking/shouting/breathing/coughing/sneezing/whispering/looking at you/stealing your computer that you were about to get/tripping you and not apologizing/singing weirdly/doing a presentation and messing up so that you feel really bad for them and you wish you were somewhere else/arguing with people/leaving gum on the ground so you step in it later/cutting in line in front of you/waving their hands around when talking and accidentally hitting passerby in the face/stopping while they are walking and creating traffic jams/making too much noise so that you can't type your paper in the library because all you hear is "HAHAHA! That Was SO Funny!!"/generally being people like people are.
2. Beeping things are really hazardous. Consider the evil beeping poles in the library. Every day I hear these evil beeping poles go off and it is really nerve-wracking and it makes me want to cry and run away, which is what people do when they walk through the poles and the poles beep.
3. Library guard people who are spying on you when you walk through the poles so that they can grab you when the poles beep and who wear those scary neon orange vests and who you have to run away from when the poles beep after you walk through them - believe me, I know.
4. Flier people who chase after you and give you stuff... Let's not talk about them; they make me queasy.
5. Buildings that might fall over. Such as McCarthy, which was built before they knew how to make buildings mildly earthquake-safe. Don't go in there, I implore you. It will be hazardous to your health someday, I assure you. Also, sometimes buildings are a little scary when you are right next to them and you look up at them and they are really tall; so tall that they stretch up into the sky and make you dizzy. Don't look up at them; it is bad for your mental health.
6. Elephants, because someday they might run onto our campus because Tuffy is our mascot and they love her, and they might trample us all trying to find her.
7. Windows because people may look in them and scare you.
8. Stairs because sometimes I fall down them or other people do, and falling down stairs is hazardous to your health.
9. Statues because you might run into them. That library lady statue is much too out there for me - I mean, her hand is always so close to hitting me in the head when I walk by. So I duck a lot.
10. Breathing- because some people inhale smoke and then exhale it out when you are passing, and then you inhale smoke and COUGH and GAG and FAINT and DIE and other stuff if you are not careful like me.
11. Weather: remember that thunderstorm we had lately? Weather is bad for you too.
12. Professors, because they may give you bad grades or nasty looks, and both of those are equally horrible and you want to avoid bad things like that, but you have to go to class, so I guess you will have to risk it. Just keep your head down in class and turn in your homework on time and get A's on your tests and I suppose you will be fine. But remember not to say anything, cause then they'll figure out your name and ask you questions in class and you never want to answer questions in class; that is hazardous too.
13. Students Who Think They Know Everything And Who Tell You (And Everyone Else) That They Are Smart Constantly- no explanation needed here!
14. Walking- because the sidewalks are crooked and they have cracks and it is mildly scary to walk down them, and someday you might trip and drop everything and also break your nose on the cement. Hazardous much?
15. Sleeping in class or in the library or on the floor of the library or on the ground outside or on the escalator, which I believe some people do because sometimes it takes fifty years to go up the escalator because no one is walking! Okay, deep breathing time. Excuse me.
16. Textbooks, which may fall on your head or your toes or your fingers and hurt them.
17. Shouters because they are loud, and I can't remember why I wrote this down or who they are.... Oh yeah. You know those people who are giving screaming sermons in the Quad? Those people are scary.
18. Bugs because wasps are evil.
19. People on Transportation Devices, which zoom around you and knock you off your feet, which are already off-balance because you are navigating the crooked, cracked sidewalk. Scooters, skateboards, bikes, those things. But most transportation device people are generally well-behaved, I must say. (Don't come find me, scary bikers! I am just the little Anonymous Titan and not worth your notice...)
20. And...
My favorite...
Pause....
I am thinking....
Come back to me on that one later.
Tips of the Day:
Tip #94: which is very cool. Now, today, dear, reader, we, are, going, to, talk, about, using, commas, correctly, because, proper, use, of, commas, is, very, useful. You, cannot, use, commas, or, semicolons; after, every; single, word, in, a; sentence. Use; commas, sparingly. Have, you; got, the, point; yet?
Tip #95: I suggest you avoid the English Grammer class with all alacrity.
Tip #95: Who has looked up the meaning of "alacrity"? Not me!
Tip #96: I am not a Math Major, so don't judge.
And with that ominous declaration, I will say Goodnight.
Goodnight!
Boa noite (for my Portuguese fans)!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee
